I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
