I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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