Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
