The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
