I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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