I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
