got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
