I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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