Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
