why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
