It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.