Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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