I only kidnapped one of them. chill
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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