i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
