I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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