I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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