No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
