i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
