woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
