if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
