if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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