I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
