Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
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I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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