Non-Jews are for practice
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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