now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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