Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
