do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
