She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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