oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
