Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Boobs are out for the taking
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
