he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
