It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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