I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
