For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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