I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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