you didnt know i had herpes?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
