he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
