On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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