Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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