I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
