A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
