Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
