Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
