Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
