nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
