I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
