I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
