sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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