Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
