he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
