Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
