It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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