i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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