My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
