oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
