Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
