For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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