My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
