its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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