i already hear my dad disowning me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Did I show you my penis last night?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
did you just send me my own nude
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
