Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
