Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
