he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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