he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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