He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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