I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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