i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
