I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
