I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
