i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
