just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
