She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
