A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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