one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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