bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
